Monday, June 8, 2009

Chapter 16

It has been almost four years since the accident and I am writing this from a mental hospital. I’ll explain how things are going a little later but first I’d like to share what brought me here. I signed up for classes again. I watched other people and they had no trouble walking and talking or interacting with friends so I did the mature thing and dropped out. I’m not nineteen anymore but I still act like I am. I call Samantha like we are still roommates, but does she ever call me? No.

Since I was just at home and not going to school, I decided to get another driver. My new driver, Ann, was ridiculously expensive but I was stupid and paid her anyway. She would teach me to drive while charging me, on top of this she borrowed three hundred dollars and wasn't paying me back. I was extremely angry at Ann but held it in and said nothing. Whenever we went out to eat, which was quite often, who do you think paid? It certainly wasn't Ann and not one time did I get a thank you. If this wasn’t bad enough she even charged me for going out to eat. She was wearing me very thin when she took me to see my psychologist. Afterwards we went shopping and out to eat and yes I paid. On the way home I turned on the radio and Ann yelled at me and said I had no respect for her and that I should find a new driver. We got home and I paid her. It was then that she realized what she’d be loosing so she tried to hug me. She said you are just shaking. I shake all the time I replied. That was the last time I ever saw or heard from that wonderful, giving human being.

I described my situation as being trapped in a big black hole that has many locked doors inside with no key to open them and escape. With this reality came much anger, I watched people run and would get angry because it reminded me of what I had lost. I yelled at everyone around me until there was no one left to yell at so I turned my anger inward. At this time I started to wonder why in the world my life had been spared. Feeling that I was suicidal, my psychologist asked me to check into the hospital.

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